vicxen's Xanga

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 16:20:59 GMT

dear you,

i don't know what else to say that wouldn't be repetitive. nothing new, nothing to say. your mother is doing well...i check in with her every now and then. i tell myself im going to bake and pass her a pie or something soon..=) haha...

i love you always,
your snotty lil' bitch

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 10:26:12 GMT

Dear You,

If you knew what i was up to...or what i've started doing..you'd die laughing. But you'd be really proud. Wish you were here to join and push me tho. Would have been fun.

I'll see you soon. Oddly that's what keeps me in perspective. =P

I love you,
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thu, 28 May 2009 15:33:41 GMT

Dear You,

The memories of you in this house will the be the last. It will be the last place you were at, the last place i made you sleep without a blanket and the last place we fought, laughed and tried to kill each other at. You've been at all my houses, sometimes almost like a resident. I'm glad you had my keys. I'm glad i never failed to let you know how much you meant to me. I'm glad we had all that...

You'd love the new place, and it's ironically so near you too.
I'm keeping sane... i try. you know. =)

I love you,
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:38:58 GMT

Dear You,

I've not forgotten.
and i can't believe it's passing so fast....

I love you,
Your snotty lil' bitch

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 11:14:26 GMT

Dear You,

My birthday just wasn't the same this year without you. A futile attempt to head out and 'have fun'... failed miserably. but the next day spent at home with your friends saved me.

Time flies... it's totally insane... it's already been 9 months plus. but it doesn't feel anything like it... and we miss you. it's still fresh to me. still.

i love you,
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch

Monday, January 12, 2009

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:22:15 GMT

Dear You,

i often wonder if you know. if you knew. if it would have made a difference. if it were different.
i think maybe you did... maybe...then again quite possibly.

i love you always,
Your Snotty Lil' Bitch

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 14:41:21 GMT

Dear You,

After Christmas dinner at your place with family, and during my talk with him. I felt your presence so strong..so strong that i smiled.. i've not felt that since the bus incident. and i smiled coz it was warm and it was comforting and it was safe. i think it's safe to say that you don't like him, because he freaked. he got scared all of a sudden and grabbed me to leave. his hairs were standing and he felt cold. and i didn't even mention to him that i felt you.

And a few days before, in my dream, where i had that choice to make...and i chose you. over him. that dream gave me that certain ammunition and the strength i needed to get through those days. i know you're not too happy about the outcome of things now...but have faith. because i do. and you of all people know me. Me.

I can't believe that 2008 will be over in a few days. i have so many things to say to you...so many.

I love you, always.
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 17:21:29 GMT

Dear You,

Christmas is coming and so is the new year. It's my first christmas without you and my first year alone. Completely and totally i miss you. Completely and totally i hurt. but i know...This too will pass.

I'm trying to lead the life you want me to. I'm trying to be the person that you've wanted me to be. I know that you can see, and i want to be better so that one day you can see it for yourself. Right now i don't feel strong enough to even think that 'this too will pass'. Right now i don't even see the point in being a better person because all i can see and all i can feel is dark.

I need the strength you give me, and i need you to remind me of all the things that i am, i'm worth and that i'm capable of.

I love you, always.
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch

Monday, November 10, 2008

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:03:43 GMT

Dear You,

I felt you the other day on the bus on the way home. i was crying and suddenly you were there...
For those few moments.. everything felt right and i smiled.

I love you,
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 19:12:33 GMT

Dear You,

My boo had a dream, that you were upset and angry, to the point where you teared... because you felt that you were being forgetten and being left behind. He said you were wearing your glasses, fair and botak.. yeap. That's the you we know.. I wonder if you were wearing your plain white scrappy t-shirt. =)

It's startling you know that he had such a dream..because that is my greatest fear. i just don't really voice it out to many people. i don't know about them..but i won't. that won't happen. you're always with me. every step of the way. n u'd be surprised how many times i actually go 'what would jordan say?' to myself during crap times...

You the moron, who gives me inner strength. I haven't seen you in a while. Haven't been dreaming much. Maybe soon yeah..? don't be stubborn. a little visit in a dream won't hurt.

G'nite baby... i love you.
Your Snotty Lil'Bitch